Many parents of gifted children are excited and somewhat relieved to have their children begin school. Kindergarten is hoped to satisfy some of their insatiable needs. Through that year and others, however, many problems can arise. Your child may be too active, bored, act out, cry, get frustrated…the list can be quite long. As a parent it can be tempting to blame the school system and fight it as hard as we can. After all, these are our amazing children, and we are their mama bears!

I don’t believe there is a perfect school system anywhere in the world, although some can come quite close! While it is tempting to blame our children’s problems on our schools, I would like to suggest that you look carefully at a few other things and you might be surprised at what you find. Many problems are actually an extension of our home life. Communication is an extremely delicate thing, especially with gifted children. They have a very strong sense of the underlying tremors in our daily communication—scary, but true. Take care to educate yourselves on healthy communication. Chapters 3 and 11 of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, by Webb, Gore, Amend, and DeVries is an excellent place to start.

Also, it is critical to find the balance between pushing and guiding our children’s efforts. Otto Siegel, of Genius Coaching here in Arizona, suggests that we take a look at what natural gifts our children have. What drives them? What do they naturally love and excel at? If we can find what feels right to them, they will be self-motivated and engaged in their educations. More mental, intellectual, and social pieces fit together naturally.

There are, of course, times when we do need to talk to teachers, principals, and so forth. Don’t be afraid to advocate for your child. But first, look carefully at your child’s entire world. Read…educate yourselves. There are so many excellent books on how to help our children. Support groups and websites are also available—HSG is a part of this.

In all, take time to think about your child as an individual, not just an extension of yourself. You might be surprised to find how wonderful and unique they really are!

I, along with others from our HSG Board and HUSD, have had two great opportunities this last month to learn more about our gifted children. For the next few months, I would like to take what I learned and share it with you.

This month I would like to introduce you to SENG: Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted. It is a group that was formed when a bright 16-year old boy took his own life in 1980. SENG strives to give parents of gifted children the opportunity to learn more about the emotional needs our children may have, as they are often quite intense–including as they become teenagers and hormones arrive. The group not only provides instruction for parents, but also a place to share and really ask the questions that apply to your individual family’s needs.

The questions I would like to ask you are these: What emotional patterns have occurred in your family growing up, as giftedness is often passed on genetically? How much are you aware of your child emotionally? Where are the resources you can turn to learn more? What if you feel like your child has no problems currently–should you still learn more? Of course your own answers will provide critical insights, as you know your situation better than anyone else, but I would also like to provide a few helps.

I recommend to every parent to read “A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children”. This is a fantastic book that is thorough in discussing characteristics of gifted children, and providing possible solutions. Even SENG meetings are based off of this book. It will help you understand Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities which can give insights into your current family and your family growing up; it will teach you about many characteristics and parenting approaches which will help you whether you feel your child needs help or not.

Other resources can include other parents, including our very own parent group, Higley Supporters of the Gifted. You can also keep an eye out for SENG trainings that occur in our area. The internet is a wonderful resource as well. If you click on “Other Sites”, a few good gifted sites are already listed for you. Also try www.hoagies.org.

Most importantly, just make yourself aware. While our children’s decisions are their own, we as their parents and other supporters need to help them sort out all the feelings that go on inside of them. They are at critical stages developmentally and need our help. Good luck, as always!

Debbie Niu
HSG President

Yes, January is here again and with it comes the inevitable goal-setting. How do we handle this when working with our gifted children? Sometimes we are dealing with children that are afraid to fail, therefore they don’t set goals that are sufficiently challenging. Other times our children may set goals that are too difficult to reach. Whatever the scenario may be in your home, here are five do’s and don’ts that may help:

1) Do set goals! Often our giften children’s minds don’t turn off…ever! It takes training for them to know how to organize their thoughts and efforts. Goal setting is a way to help them learn these skills.

2) Don’t set the goals for them. As parents, we usually know what’s best for our children. After all, we have years of experience, right? On the flip side, our children need to begin their own training to know what’s best for themselves. Guide their decisions, but take great care that you don’t manipulate them. Autonomy is a scary thing for our children to learn, but very important, especially considering their potential.

3) Do help them create well-rounded goals. There are many facets to our children’s lives. Consider helping your child set goals not just in intellectual areas, but in social, emotional, and behavioral areas as well. For instance, my daughter set her own goal of “saying ‘Okay’” more often instead of arguing. If your child struggles socially, encourage a play-date goal such as “have a friend over once a week”.

4) Do help them set goals that are specific, with a good time frame attached. If they are interested in learning to play an instrument, help them set a specific and realistic goal such as “practice 4 times per week” or “achieve level 2 by Mar. 1″. When the goal is overly general or goes on for too long, it is hard for them to track their progress and they may easily lose interest.

5) Don’t give in to “goal escalation”! Goal escalation occurs when the individual meets their goal, then decides that it is not good enough after all, and pushes the goal to a higher level. This can lead to many problems, including anxiety, depression, and a lower sense of self-worth.

Our children have such capabilities! Let’s see if we can help them learn how to unleash it all. When all is said and done, we will have hopefully helped our children achieve a sense of fulfillment for a job well done!

Happy New Year and best of luck,
Debbie Niu
HSG President