I have made a discovery! In an effort to help one of my children with emotional issues, I came upon Genius Coaching here in the Phoenix area. Their approach is positive, and addresses many aspects of my child–not just the emotional side. As per my research of gifted children, I knew both of these things to be extremely important.

I am not only allowed to sit in with my child during our coaching sessions, but encouraged to do so. Together we talk very honestly, yet purposefully in a positive way. Each characteristic, such as being strong-willed, is treated as good thing, and my child learns that he is not being “fixed”, just educated how best to use the traits he naturally has.

Many gifted children suffer from depression–for many reasons. Some depression comes from environmental training, but much comes from how his/her brain is wired. Patterns of thought create pathways in our brains, and are widened with use. If your child is wired for negative thinking, those pathways will widen as they are used and become much harder to ignore or deviate from. It will take training to change directions. One of my favorite techniques is using the word “no” positively. Confusing? The idea goes like this: As negative self-talk begins (or comes from an outside source like children at school or negative adults), have your child say internally or outloud, “No. I am not stupid. I am capable and very good at this. I have already learned this about myself.” Have them say it as many times as they need to. The word “no” stops the negative thought, and allows for a change of direction, much as a stop sign in the road does.

Because our physiology greatly impacts our emotions, it is very important to pay attention to our bodies. Be aware of what we eat, and make sure we get a certain amount of movement each day. Watch your child to see how they react to activity. Does it help them be happier throughout the day? Are they more content? The more sensitive your child is to needing activity, the more critical it is that they do so. It is also essential that both the right and left sides of the brain are engaged together. Many children are disconnected, and are off balance emotionally because of it. There are very simple ways to help the two sides of the brain reconnect, and I encourage you to do research to understand what those ways are.

It is an amazing process as a parent to break your own negative chain of thoughts regarding your child. The power that comes from children thinking positively of themselves is a significant thing, and is multiplied exponentially when a parent begins to do so on their child’s behalf as well. Good luck on your endeavors to do so!

Debbie Niu
HSG President

I have had this question floating around in my mind for years. It bumps into another idea, gets asked again, and makes very slow progress. Why are there so many gifted individuals out there that are not successful? We all know them, even if we don’t realize we know. They often walk around disguised as dysfunctional and struggling.

Then I read a book called “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell that gave me a step towards understanding it all. While Gladwell’s definition of success, sounding something like “Bill Gates” or “Joe Flom”, is different from mine (I define more in terms of happy, healthy, independent, and always progressing), he makes many intriguing points. One thing I like is that he claims everyone past a certain level of intelligence (he uses an IQ of 120-130) is as capable of success as any other in that “pot”. There is no further advantage the higher the IQ. But my favorite idea is that as long as the opportunities are there for our children, and as long as they have that certain level of intelligence, then it is up to them to see how successful they can be. They must learn to work and to understand themselves in order to succeed. And most of that boils down to what we do in our homes.

So what is that, exactly? Teaching kids how to work is a complex thing. But their happiness depends on it; anything worth having takes work. Gladwell suggests that the more work is done, the higher the level of success–provided they have opportunity. I agree, yet also believe that life requires a balance of four areas of life, and that we need to teach them about all four: mind, emotions, body, and soul. I would like to suggest that learning to work hard in all areas will produce the kind of success our children would be happiest to have. Help them learn to eat well, sleep on a good schedule, and discover spiritual or social ideals that can guide them in addition to giving them intellectual stimulation. Coach them in handling their emotions–that in and of itself being a complex subject, as we discussed last month.

But in the meantime, sit down with another adult that knows your child (teacher, spouse, etc.) and make an assessment of how your child is doing in each of the four areas. Then make just one suggestion you would like to help improve on and work on it with them. Once a month, sit down again and look at your assessment. Make another suggestion, then tackle that. Real change takes time, so don’t rush too many things at once. After all, children don’t need to be “fixed”–they are just young, and need guidance. As a matter of fact, include them in your discussions when appropriate. They are extremely capable and usually very glad to help make decisions regarding themselves. And they will be all the more successful for it!