Overexcitabilities is a term coined by Polish psychiatrist and psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski which discusses various ways that our children are intense. Some might have an imaginational overexcitability, a psychomotor excitability, or, believe or not, an emotional overexcitability. Others include sensual and intellectual overexcitabilities.

Much of my information is from “How the Gifted Brain Learns”, pp.38-41. This book, by David Sousa, is an excellent source of information for many gifted learning issues. I will highlight the suggestions Sousa makes in helping our children:

* Discuss the concept of overexcitability with family, or whomever it would be appropriate. The more we understand, the more our children will be accepted.

* Focus on the positives. Each overexcitability has a good side as well–focus on that!

* Cherish and celebrate diversity. “OEs are inborn traits, they cannot be unlearned.” It is important that our children understand that their intensities are just one more way to describe who they are. We have to be careful that they have confidence in themselves, and don’t succumb to any belief that they are not okay.

* Use and teach clear verbal and nonverbal communication skills. Everyone needs to be listened to and respected–even moreso with children with overexcitabilities. It is critical that we teach them good communication skills, and that we model them ourselves.

*Teach stress management as early as possible. Those with overexcitabilities have increased stress reactions because of their increased sensitivity. Do things such as talk about feelings, do relaxation exercises, eat well, meditate, exercise, have down time, etc.

* Create a comforting environment whenever possible. Intense people need places for retreat or safety. Learning to figure out what works for each child can take experimentation and cooperation for others, but the result is worth it!

* Help to raise awareness of one’s behaviors and their impact on others. “It is important to teach children and adults to be responsible for their behaviors, to become aware of how their behaviors affect others, and to understand that their needs are not more important than those of others.”

* Remember the joy. When discussed, overexcitabilities often bring negative conversations. Remember that being overexcitable also brings great joy, beauty, compassion, and creativity. Relish the uniqueness!

For suggestions on how to handle each unique overexcitability, see pages 39-41 of Sousa’s book.

“The prevailing theory now is that there are many genes, each with a small effect, that together produce the full range of variation in intelligence. And their effects can be moderated by the environment.” According to David A. Sousa in How the Gifted Brain Learns, nature and nurture work together in our gifted children.

As we raise our children, we have many things to consider in encouraging academic growth. What things damage, and what things nurture their intelligence? We have already been warned that too much television, with all its commercials, distractions and redundancy, has a negative impact. Additionally, while some down-time is critical, too much unstructured time does not provide them with opportunities for growth. Each of our children has interests and natural abilities. Help them discover them, and although it is often difficult to pull off, whether from schedule conflicts or needs of other family members, it is critical that we do so! Our children not only need outlets for their intensities, but they need direction.

Love and encouragement is essential to good, solid intelligence. Help them to understand themselves. A word of caution from Sousa in chapter 1, is to praise them for their efforts, not their successes. Instead of becoming distraught by academic failures, and doubting their own intelligence, they will understand that all healthy success requires effort, and will be able to tackle the next episode with solid intrinsic motivation. “Praise is particularly motivating when it encourages solid performance, promotes autonomy, enhances competence without an over-reliance on ‘innate intelligence,’ and conveys standards and expectations that are attainable.”

Stay tuned for next month: strategies for working with children with overexcitabilities (that’s all of them!)

Sincerely,
Debbie Niu
HSG President

Many parents of gifted children are excited and somewhat relieved to have their children begin school. Kindergarten is hoped to satisfy some of their insatiable needs. Through that year and others, however, many problems can arise. Your child may be too active, bored, act out, cry, get frustrated…the list can be quite long. As a parent it can be tempting to blame the school system and fight it as hard as we can. After all, these are our amazing children, and we are their mama bears!

I don’t believe there is a perfect school system anywhere in the world, although some can come quite close! While it is tempting to blame our children’s problems on our schools, I would like to suggest that you look carefully at a few other things and you might be surprised at what you find. Many problems are actually an extension of our home life. Communication is an extremely delicate thing, especially with gifted children. They have a very strong sense of the underlying tremors in our daily communication—scary, but true. Take care to educate yourselves on healthy communication. Chapters 3 and 11 of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, by Webb, Gore, Amend, and DeVries is an excellent place to start.

Also, it is critical to find the balance between pushing and guiding our children’s efforts. Otto Siegel, of Genius Coaching here in Arizona, suggests that we take a look at what natural gifts our children have. What drives them? What do they naturally love and excel at? If we can find what feels right to them, they will be self-motivated and engaged in their educations. More mental, intellectual, and social pieces fit together naturally.

There are, of course, times when we do need to talk to teachers, principals, and so forth. Don’t be afraid to advocate for your child. But first, look carefully at your child’s entire world. Read…educate yourselves. There are so many excellent books on how to help our children. Support groups and websites are also available—HSG is a part of this.

In all, take time to think about your child as an individual, not just an extension of yourself. You might be surprised to find how wonderful and unique they really are!

I, along with others from our HSG Board and HUSD, have had two great opportunities this last month to learn more about our gifted children. For the next few months, I would like to take what I learned and share it with you.

This month I would like to introduce you to SENG: Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted. It is a group that was formed when a bright 16-year old boy took his own life in 1980. SENG strives to give parents of gifted children the opportunity to learn more about the emotional needs our children may have, as they are often quite intense–including as they become teenagers and hormones arrive. The group not only provides instruction for parents, but also a place to share and really ask the questions that apply to your individual family’s needs.

The questions I would like to ask you are these: What emotional patterns have occurred in your family growing up, as giftedness is often passed on genetically? How much are you aware of your child emotionally? Where are the resources you can turn to learn more? What if you feel like your child has no problems currently–should you still learn more? Of course your own answers will provide critical insights, as you know your situation better than anyone else, but I would also like to provide a few helps.

I recommend to every parent to read “A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children”. This is a fantastic book that is thorough in discussing characteristics of gifted children, and providing possible solutions. Even SENG meetings are based off of this book. It will help you understand Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities which can give insights into your current family and your family growing up; it will teach you about many characteristics and parenting approaches which will help you whether you feel your child needs help or not.

Other resources can include other parents, including our very own parent group, Higley Supporters of the Gifted. You can also keep an eye out for SENG trainings that occur in our area. The internet is a wonderful resource as well. If you click on “Other Sites”, a few good gifted sites are already listed for you. Also try www.hoagies.org.

Most importantly, just make yourself aware. While our children’s decisions are their own, we as their parents and other supporters need to help them sort out all the feelings that go on inside of them. They are at critical stages developmentally and need our help. Good luck, as always!

Debbie Niu
HSG President

Yes, January is here again and with it comes the inevitable goal-setting. How do we handle this when working with our gifted children? Sometimes we are dealing with children that are afraid to fail, therefore they don’t set goals that are sufficiently challenging. Other times our children may set goals that are too difficult to reach. Whatever the scenario may be in your home, here are five do’s and don’ts that may help:

1) Do set goals! Often our giften children’s minds don’t turn off…ever! It takes training for them to know how to organize their thoughts and efforts. Goal setting is a way to help them learn these skills.

2) Don’t set the goals for them. As parents, we usually know what’s best for our children. After all, we have years of experience, right? On the flip side, our children need to begin their own training to know what’s best for themselves. Guide their decisions, but take great care that you don’t manipulate them. Autonomy is a scary thing for our children to learn, but very important, especially considering their potential.

3) Do help them create well-rounded goals. There are many facets to our children’s lives. Consider helping your child set goals not just in intellectual areas, but in social, emotional, and behavioral areas as well. For instance, my daughter set her own goal of “saying ‘Okay’” more often instead of arguing. If your child struggles socially, encourage a play-date goal such as “have a friend over once a week”.

4) Do help them set goals that are specific, with a good time frame attached. If they are interested in learning to play an instrument, help them set a specific and realistic goal such as “practice 4 times per week” or “achieve level 2 by Mar. 1″. When the goal is overly general or goes on for too long, it is hard for them to track their progress and they may easily lose interest.

5) Don’t give in to “goal escalation”! Goal escalation occurs when the individual meets their goal, then decides that it is not good enough after all, and pushes the goal to a higher level. This can lead to many problems, including anxiety, depression, and a lower sense of self-worth.

Our children have such capabilities! Let’s see if we can help them learn how to unleash it all. When all is said and done, we will have hopefully helped our children achieve a sense of fulfillment for a job well done!

Happy New Year and best of luck,
Debbie Niu
HSG President

Welcome back! This month we are discussing clustering. This is critical for you as parents to understand, as clustering is a large component to how our gifted program in HUSD is accomplished. In a gifted clustered classroom, if done correctly, you will have several gifted students in combination with other students who are average on the learning curve. The teacher should be interested in working with gifted children, trained to work with them (or at least willing to become so), and should spend a portion of each day giving work that is appropriately challenging.

There is example after example of research that shows the effectiveness of clustering if done correctly. Things have been moving quickly at the district level to provide a great program for our students. A lot of progress has been made in the last year, and more will come. However, our program is still a work in progress. As things improve, it is good to observe your child’s experience, praise where things are going well, and help where things are not.

As with anything involving your child’s education, if you have a problem, remember to use good diplomacy in trying to help your child. Our gifted specialists are great resources in gaining information and insight into your child’s situation. Principals are receiving instruction into the importance of gifted learning. Our district personnel have also been vigilant in helping our gifted children. We are extremely fortunate to be in such an environment.

Consider doing research of your own to learn about how clustering is accomplished. Sections of Chapter 7 in Re-Forming Gifted Education, by Karen Rogers is a good place to start—or look online. As part of being your child’s best advocate, it is imperative that we understand what is going on in their educations.

As always, good luck to all!

Last month we talked about motivation. Today we continue that topic.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we all have four basic needs in order of significance: 1-physiological (bodily comforts), 2-safety (absence of danger or threats), 3-belonging and love (acceptance, connection), and 4-esteem (approval, achievement, etc).  For our children that translates into 1-keeping them on a good schedule (including healthy snacks), 2-guiding them through tensions that occur in and out of the home, 3-helping them learn how to find their own niche in society, and 4-helping them develop values and mental skills that provide them with self-esteem rather depending so heavily on esteem from others.

Once those needs are taken care of, there are four other advanced needs that help to provide fulfillment and overall health to our children.  You may wonder how this relates to motivation?  If our children don’t have these basic needs met, they are not able to handle anything else that requires motivation.  For instance, if they are hungry or being bullied at school, they will find it impossible to concentrate on their schoolwork.  Possibly your child may not be unmotivated, but is simply motivated by basic needs instead.

So after ensuring basic needs are met, there are many ways to help stimulate their motivation.  Chapter 4 of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children is a great resource of ideas on this.  Additionally, most, if not all, children are motivated by something, but often you must be extremely patient to figure out what that something is.  Be guided by their interests–not your own.  If you can manage to keep their achievements and motivations separate from yours, that will go a long way towards identifying how to help them.  Next, build on their successes.  Catch them doing something right often.  If you are helping them work on something long-term, this is especially important.  Don’t praise or reward everything, especially half-hearted efforts, however, as that can create a false sense of confidence and will not increase self-esteem.  Also, praising behavior instead of results will help them develop the character that is required in all tasks.

If, as parents, we can learn to really “see” our children and their needs, we will be able to understand what will motivate them.  You may even find as you focus on them through positive praise and other motivators, that the answer is more simple than you think.  Regardless, our children are worth it.  Take the time to do some research.  Figure out what motivates your child and enjoy the positive process rather than just experiencing so much of the negative side-effects underachievement can have on your family.

Good luck to you all!

Next month’s topic:  CLUSTERING.  What it is, and how it can help the gifted children of HUSD.

MOTIVATION is probably the biggest topic overall when parenting and teaching our gifted and talented children.  Are they capable?  Of course.  It is a whole other thing to help them want to learn, perform, and succeed.  This issue is so vital to understand and so complex, we are going to take two months to tackle it.

Before our children enter school, they are bouncing with energy and excitement for the world around them.  They are excited to have kindergarten answer the many questions they have always had bursting in their minds.  The reality is, though, most likely there is no school in the world that can answer them all!  So what do we do?  How do we keep them engaged in their learning?

In relation to HUSD, although there is current effort to improve the standards and curriculum our children are taught by, when our children are capable of working 2-4 years above grade level, it is still hard to keep them excited and motivated.  How does this affect our children?  According to A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, “if standards are low and little effort is required to succeed…strong work habits and self-motivation cannot develop.  Rather, the gifted child learns that success comes without much effort, setting him up for failure in later educational endeavors when effort is required to succeed.” (p.61)

So, here (if you aren’t already!) is where you should pay attention.  According to several leading gifted educators, including Sylvia Rimm and James Webb, all underachievement and motivation problems are not solved simply by having correct educational options.  As a matter of fact, a majority aren’t.  So what does?  There are three things research says you should do to help your children achieve success:  Instill in them a love of learning, keep them reading, and create/maintain a good relationship with them.  No matter what happens at school, they are the most likely to succeed if they have these things.  ”Strong family relationships can balance or even overcome a difficult school situation.” ( A Parent’s Guide, p. 62)  As parents, it ought to give us comfort and concern to know that we are the ones truly in charge of their ability to succeed.

Which brings us to the next inevitable question.  How, exactly, do we do that?  How do we understand our children and ourselves well enough to pull it off?  For now, think about it.  Notice what behaviors you have with your children in regards to their educations.  Is there a power struggle?  Are you understanding or demanding?  How do you respond to your children’s opinions?  Do you care more about their happiness or achievement–and where is the balance between those two things?  Try to be honest in your self-evaluation for the sake of your child(ren).

Next month, we will explore more.  We will talk about how exactly we can help motivate our children.

Working on social skills and friendship guidelines for our gifted kids

One of the greatest areas of stress and worry for our children arises from social concerns.  “Does my child have friends?  If they do, are they the right kind of friends?”  “Shouldn’t he have more friends?”  “Shouldn’t she want friends her own age?”  “How can I help her be successful?”  Some children will be naturally more outgoing than others as with any group of children.  But often, our children’s intensities can make friendships a challenge.

First and foremost, relax.  Most likely, your child is just fine.  They are learning social skills just as all children are.  Whether they have one or two friends or too many to count, if your child is content, you should be too.  If your child does express concerns or asks for help, be sure to respond positively.  Offer to have friends over.  Discuss social skills with them.  Express your confidence in their abilities.  They may develop insecurities simply in response to your own.

As a word of caution, however, it is imperative to monitor computer use for social activities.  Gifted children can easily use a computer, and are therefore very susceptible to inappropriate subject matter or conversations.

The most simple advice may be this: Keep communication open to help your child learn about social complexities.  Although their choices may not be yours, if they aren’t dangerous or destructive, encourage and guide them.  They will feel right away that you are their best friends, no matter what other social experiences may come their way.

For more information on this, read through chapter 8 in A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children

Next month’s topic: Motivation, Enthusiasm, and Underachievement in school.

It’s a new year for everyone, and with our improved gifted program at HUSD, it is exciting!  However, mixed in with all that excitement may be a healthy dose of apprehension for both us and our children.

So how do we help them adjust?  Make sure you take time to sit down with them and let them know what to expect–from when they will get on and off the bus to what their daily schedule might be like in their new classroom.  Also, try your best to deal with their fluctuating emotions.  Do what you can to validate their feelings and then help them turn things to a positive light.

As parents and others interested in gifted children, then what?  Once those children have gone through the school doors, how do we make sure they are getting what they need?  It is critical to stay in close contact with your Gifted Specialist and with your child’s teacher.  It often takes careful diplomacy to get things done right, but our children deserve the effort.  Be willing to go the extra mile.  Talk to teachers.  Talk to other parents–see what ideas they have come up with.  Joining a parent group is an excellent resource for these and other issues.

Good luck to all of you this month!

Next month’s topic: Working on social skills and friendship guidelines for our gifted kids!