I, along with others from our HSG Board and HUSD, have had two great opportunities this last month to learn more about our gifted children. For the next few months, I would like to take what I learned and share it with you.

This month I would like to introduce you to SENG: Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted. It is a group that was formed when a bright 16-year old boy took his own life in 1980. SENG strives to give parents of gifted children the opportunity to learn more about the emotional needs our children may have, as they are often quite intense–including as they become teenagers and hormones arrive. The group not only provides instruction for parents, but also a place to share and really ask the questions that apply to your individual family’s needs.

The questions I would like to ask you are these: What emotional patterns have occurred in your family growing up, as giftedness is often passed on genetically? How much are you aware of your child emotionally? Where are the resources you can turn to learn more? What if you feel like your child has no problems currently–should you still learn more? Of course your own answers will provide critical insights, as you know your situation better than anyone else, but I would also like to provide a few helps.

I recommend to every parent to read “A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children”. This is a fantastic book that is thorough in discussing characteristics of gifted children, and providing possible solutions. Even SENG meetings are based off of this book. It will help you understand Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities which can give insights into your current family and your family growing up; it will teach you about many characteristics and parenting approaches which will help you whether you feel your child needs help or not.

Other resources can include other parents, including our very own parent group, Higley Supporters of the Gifted. You can also keep an eye out for SENG trainings that occur in our area. The internet is a wonderful resource as well. If you click on “Other Sites”, a few good gifted sites are already listed for you. Also try www.hoagies.org.

Most importantly, just make yourself aware. While our children’s decisions are their own, we as their parents and other supporters need to help them sort out all the feelings that go on inside of them. They are at critical stages developmentally and need our help. Good luck, as always!

Debbie Niu
HSG President

Yes, January is here again and with it comes the inevitable goal-setting. How do we handle this when working with our gifted children? Sometimes we are dealing with children that are afraid to fail, therefore they don’t set goals that are sufficiently challenging. Other times our children may set goals that are too difficult to reach. Whatever the scenario may be in your home, here are five do’s and don’ts that may help:

1) Do set goals! Often our giften children’s minds don’t turn off…ever! It takes training for them to know how to organize their thoughts and efforts. Goal setting is a way to help them learn these skills.

2) Don’t set the goals for them. As parents, we usually know what’s best for our children. After all, we have years of experience, right? On the flip side, our children need to begin their own training to know what’s best for themselves. Guide their decisions, but take great care that you don’t manipulate them. Autonomy is a scary thing for our children to learn, but very important, especially considering their potential.

3) Do help them create well-rounded goals. There are many facets to our children’s lives. Consider helping your child set goals not just in intellectual areas, but in social, emotional, and behavioral areas as well. For instance, my daughter set her own goal of “saying ‘Okay’” more often instead of arguing. If your child struggles socially, encourage a play-date goal such as “have a friend over once a week”.

4) Do help them set goals that are specific, with a good time frame attached. If they are interested in learning to play an instrument, help them set a specific and realistic goal such as “practice 4 times per week” or “achieve level 2 by Mar. 1″. When the goal is overly general or goes on for too long, it is hard for them to track their progress and they may easily lose interest.

5) Don’t give in to “goal escalation”! Goal escalation occurs when the individual meets their goal, then decides that it is not good enough after all, and pushes the goal to a higher level. This can lead to many problems, including anxiety, depression, and a lower sense of self-worth.

Our children have such capabilities! Let’s see if we can help them learn how to unleash it all. When all is said and done, we will have hopefully helped our children achieve a sense of fulfillment for a job well done!

Happy New Year and best of luck,
Debbie Niu
HSG President

Welcome back! This month we are discussing clustering. This is critical for you as parents to understand, as clustering is a large component to how our gifted program in HUSD is accomplished. In a gifted clustered classroom, if done correctly, you will have several gifted students in combination with other students who are average on the learning curve. The teacher should be interested in working with gifted children, trained to work with them (or at least willing to become so), and should spend a portion of each day giving work that is appropriately challenging.

There is example after example of research that shows the effectiveness of clustering if done correctly. Things have been moving quickly at the district level to provide a great program for our students. A lot of progress has been made in the last year, and more will come. However, our program is still a work in progress. As things improve, it is good to observe your child’s experience, praise where things are going well, and help where things are not.

As with anything involving your child’s education, if you have a problem, remember to use good diplomacy in trying to help your child. Our gifted specialists are great resources in gaining information and insight into your child’s situation. Principals are receiving instruction into the importance of gifted learning. Our district personnel have also been vigilant in helping our gifted children. We are extremely fortunate to be in such an environment.

Consider doing research of your own to learn about how clustering is accomplished. Sections of Chapter 7 in Re-Forming Gifted Education, by Karen Rogers is a good place to start—or look online. As part of being your child’s best advocate, it is imperative that we understand what is going on in their educations.

As always, good luck to all!

Last month we talked about motivation. Today we continue that topic.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we all have four basic needs in order of significance: 1-physiological (bodily comforts), 2-safety (absence of danger or threats), 3-belonging and love (acceptance, connection), and 4-esteem (approval, achievement, etc).  For our children that translates into 1-keeping them on a good schedule (including healthy snacks), 2-guiding them through tensions that occur in and out of the home, 3-helping them learn how to find their own niche in society, and 4-helping them develop values and mental skills that provide them with self-esteem rather depending so heavily on esteem from others.

Once those needs are taken care of, there are four other advanced needs that help to provide fulfillment and overall health to our children.  You may wonder how this relates to motivation?  If our children don’t have these basic needs met, they are not able to handle anything else that requires motivation.  For instance, if they are hungry or being bullied at school, they will find it impossible to concentrate on their schoolwork.  Possibly your child may not be unmotivated, but is simply motivated by basic needs instead.

So after ensuring basic needs are met, there are many ways to help stimulate their motivation.  Chapter 4 of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children is a great resource of ideas on this.  Additionally, most, if not all, children are motivated by something, but often you must be extremely patient to figure out what that something is.  Be guided by their interests–not your own.  If you can manage to keep their achievements and motivations separate from yours, that will go a long way towards identifying how to help them.  Next, build on their successes.  Catch them doing something right often.  If you are helping them work on something long-term, this is especially important.  Don’t praise or reward everything, especially half-hearted efforts, however, as that can create a false sense of confidence and will not increase self-esteem.  Also, praising behavior instead of results will help them develop the character that is required in all tasks.

If, as parents, we can learn to really “see” our children and their needs, we will be able to understand what will motivate them.  You may even find as you focus on them through positive praise and other motivators, that the answer is more simple than you think.  Regardless, our children are worth it.  Take the time to do some research.  Figure out what motivates your child and enjoy the positive process rather than just experiencing so much of the negative side-effects underachievement can have on your family.

Good luck to you all!

Next month’s topic:  CLUSTERING.  What it is, and how it can help the gifted children of HUSD.

MOTIVATION is probably the biggest topic overall when parenting and teaching our gifted and talented children.  Are they capable?  Of course.  It is a whole other thing to help them want to learn, perform, and succeed.  This issue is so vital to understand and so complex, we are going to take two months to tackle it.

Before our children enter school, they are bouncing with energy and excitement for the world around them.  They are excited to have kindergarten answer the many questions they have always had bursting in their minds.  The reality is, though, most likely there is no school in the world that can answer them all!  So what do we do?  How do we keep them engaged in their learning?

In relation to HUSD, although there is current effort to improve the standards and curriculum our children are taught by, when our children are capable of working 2-4 years above grade level, it is still hard to keep them excited and motivated.  How does this affect our children?  According to A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, “if standards are low and little effort is required to succeed…strong work habits and self-motivation cannot develop.  Rather, the gifted child learns that success comes without much effort, setting him up for failure in later educational endeavors when effort is required to succeed.” (p.61)

So, here (if you aren’t already!) is where you should pay attention.  According to several leading gifted educators, including Sylvia Rimm and James Webb, all underachievement and motivation problems are not solved simply by having correct educational options.  As a matter of fact, a majority aren’t.  So what does?  There are three things research says you should do to help your children achieve success:  Instill in them a love of learning, keep them reading, and create/maintain a good relationship with them.  No matter what happens at school, they are the most likely to succeed if they have these things.  ”Strong family relationships can balance or even overcome a difficult school situation.” ( A Parent’s Guide, p. 62)  As parents, it ought to give us comfort and concern to know that we are the ones truly in charge of their ability to succeed.

Which brings us to the next inevitable question.  How, exactly, do we do that?  How do we understand our children and ourselves well enough to pull it off?  For now, think about it.  Notice what behaviors you have with your children in regards to their educations.  Is there a power struggle?  Are you understanding or demanding?  How do you respond to your children’s opinions?  Do you care more about their happiness or achievement–and where is the balance between those two things?  Try to be honest in your self-evaluation for the sake of your child(ren).

Next month, we will explore more.  We will talk about how exactly we can help motivate our children.

Working on social skills and friendship guidelines for our gifted kids

One of the greatest areas of stress and worry for our children arises from social concerns.  “Does my child have friends?  If they do, are they the right kind of friends?”  “Shouldn’t he have more friends?”  “Shouldn’t she want friends her own age?”  “How can I help her be successful?”  Some children will be naturally more outgoing than others as with any group of children.  But often, our children’s intensities can make friendships a challenge.

First and foremost, relax.  Most likely, your child is just fine.  They are learning social skills just as all children are.  Whether they have one or two friends or too many to count, if your child is content, you should be too.  If your child does express concerns or asks for help, be sure to respond positively.  Offer to have friends over.  Discuss social skills with them.  Express your confidence in their abilities.  They may develop insecurities simply in response to your own.

As a word of caution, however, it is imperative to monitor computer use for social activities.  Gifted children can easily use a computer, and are therefore very susceptible to inappropriate subject matter or conversations.

The most simple advice may be this: Keep communication open to help your child learn about social complexities.  Although their choices may not be yours, if they aren’t dangerous or destructive, encourage and guide them.  They will feel right away that you are their best friends, no matter what other social experiences may come their way.

For more information on this, read through chapter 8 in A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children

Next month’s topic: Motivation, Enthusiasm, and Underachievement in school.

It’s a new year for everyone, and with our improved gifted program at HUSD, it is exciting!  However, mixed in with all that excitement may be a healthy dose of apprehension for both us and our children.

So how do we help them adjust?  Make sure you take time to sit down with them and let them know what to expect–from when they will get on and off the bus to what their daily schedule might be like in their new classroom.  Also, try your best to deal with their fluctuating emotions.  Do what you can to validate their feelings and then help them turn things to a positive light.

As parents and others interested in gifted children, then what?  Once those children have gone through the school doors, how do we make sure they are getting what they need?  It is critical to stay in close contact with your Gifted Specialist and with your child’s teacher.  It often takes careful diplomacy to get things done right, but our children deserve the effort.  Be willing to go the extra mile.  Talk to teachers.  Talk to other parents–see what ideas they have come up with.  Joining a parent group is an excellent resource for these and other issues.

Good luck to all of you this month!

Next month’s topic: Working on social skills and friendship guidelines for our gifted kids!

Oh say can you see!  The end of summer is already in sight…crazy.

Our concept this month is a doozie.  For those of you who are not yet familiar with Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities, you are about to be introduced.

Kasimierz Dabrowski, a Polish psychiatrist, developed the concept of “overexcitabilities”, referring to a person’s heightened response to stimuli and can occur in up to five areas: intellectual, imaginational, emotional, sensual, and psychomotor.  Some experience this in all areas, others in maybe just one or two.

What this means, is that our children very often experience things in concentrated doses.  They are easily agitated or overstimulated. They cry, throw fits, and have a hard time working things out with other children.

There are two very important things to remember here.  The first is that it is not necessarily a bad thing to experience these “overexcitabilities”.  A good experience will be felt that much more deeply.  They may be more sensitive and aware of other’s feelings.  Depth of emotion can also lead to amazing artistic creations.

The second is a tool that I have found particularly helpful in dealing with these overexcitabilities.  The problems can’t really be dealth with when they are in the middle of experiencing them.  If your child angers easily, you need to talk to him/her when calm.  Teach them what to do when their minds are able to process it, not when their emotions have taken over their logic.  In addition, you may want to create a “code word” that you can say when you see they are not doing well at all.  This word can act as a trigger to get through their emotions to their logic.  It is intended to remind them of what they should do when they become overexcited.  Ours is a silly word to add the element of humor that may help dispel the situation as well.

For more information on this, read through pages 22-25 in A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children

Next month’s topic: How to start the new school year off right!

Jump in to June!

Summer is a two-edged sword.  You love it because you have more time with your children, and you hate it because you have more time with your children!  And therefore we all have more time to be faced with our children’s intensities and sensitivities, which tend to be heightened in gifted children.

Because of asynchronous development (their intellect may be years advanced but their emotional maturity is probably closer to that of their actual chronological age), it is easy for us and everyone else to expect more than they are able to deliver.  It doesn’t make sense that they seem so capable intellecually, but then may turn right around and cry or yell at every little thing.  Educating ourselves about the complexity of our children’s emotional characteristics is crucial.  The great stress they can feel from their emotions can be greatly managed if both we and they are able to better understand it.

If you haven’t yet purchased or read A Paren’t Guide To Gifted Children, I encourage you again to do so.  Chapters 6 and 7 address many emotional issues our children encounter–and maybe even ones we ourselves deal with!

Until next month, good luck!

Yeah for May!

Two concepts this month, I guess!  The first is just something I would suggest all gifted parents should mull around in your heads.  All of our identified children, whether they struggle in any way or not, are in need.  Whether it is to help them understand the possibilities they can have in their educations and lives or to help them (and us!) understand how their own brains work, or how to manage their perfectionism, it is our job to help guide them.  Keep doing that research!

And second, I received some great tips when I attended the open forum in Scottsdale last week that I would like to share with you:

*There are 3 different types of thinking that our children need to be developing.

1-convergent thinking (questions with right/wrong answers)

2-divergent thinking (open-ended questions)

3-cultural diversity (information all children ought to know–ex. historical facts.  Who was the 1st President of the United States?)

*Gifted kids need drill and practice, just like everyone else.

*If your child is struggling with interest, help package things differently.  It can make all the difference!

*There are 3 keys to parenting: repetition, repetition, and repetition.

*You are allowed and encouraged to force children to do things that are good for them.

*Gifted kids are masterful at getting adults to do the work for them.  RESIST GIVING HINTS!!

Good luck everyone!  Parenting a gifted child is not easy, but it is worth it.  Thank you for being their greatest ally!