Yes, January is here again and with it comes the inevitable goal-setting. How do we handle this when working with our gifted children? Sometimes we are dealing with children that are afraid to fail, therefore they don’t set goals that are sufficiently challenging. Other times our children may set goals that are too difficult to reach. Whatever the scenario may be in your home, here are five do’s and don’ts that may help:
1) Do set goals! Often our giften children’s minds don’t turn off…ever! It takes training for them to know how to organize their thoughts and efforts. Goal setting is a way to help them learn these skills.
2) Don’t set the goals for them. As parents, we usually know what’s best for our children. After all, we have years of experience, right? On the flip side, our children need to begin their own training to know what’s best for themselves. Guide their decisions, but take great care that you don’t manipulate them. Autonomy is a scary thing for our children to learn, but very important, especially considering their potential.
3) Do help them create well-rounded goals. There are many facets to our children’s lives. Consider helping your child set goals not just in intellectual areas, but in social, emotional, and behavioral areas as well. For instance, my daughter set her own goal of “saying ‘Okay’” more often instead of arguing. If your child struggles socially, encourage a play-date goal such as “have a friend over once a week”.
4) Do help them set goals that are specific, with a good time frame attached. If they are interested in learning to play an instrument, help them set a specific and realistic goal such as “practice 4 times per week” or “achieve level 2 by Mar. 1″. When the goal is overly general or goes on for too long, it is hard for them to track their progress and they may easily lose interest.
5) Don’t give in to “goal escalation”! Goal escalation occurs when the individual meets their goal, then decides that it is not good enough after all, and pushes the goal to a higher level. This can lead to many problems, including anxiety, depression, and a lower sense of self-worth.
Our children have such capabilities! Let’s see if we can help them learn how to unleash it all. When all is said and done, we will have hopefully helped our children achieve a sense of fulfillment for a job well done!
Happy New Year and best of luck,
Debbie Niu
HSG President