Last month we talked about motivation. Today we continue that topic.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we all have four basic needs in order of significance: 1-physiological (bodily comforts), 2-safety (absence of danger or threats), 3-belonging and love (acceptance, connection), and 4-esteem (approval, achievement, etc). For our children that translates into 1-keeping them on a good schedule (including healthy snacks), 2-guiding them through tensions that occur in and out of the home, 3-helping them learn how to find their own niche in society, and 4-helping them develop values and mental skills that provide them with self-esteem rather depending so heavily on esteem from others.
Once those needs are taken care of, there are four other advanced needs that help to provide fulfillment and overall health to our children. You may wonder how this relates to motivation? If our children don’t have these basic needs met, they are not able to handle anything else that requires motivation. For instance, if they are hungry or being bullied at school, they will find it impossible to concentrate on their schoolwork. Possibly your child may not be unmotivated, but is simply motivated by basic needs instead.
So after ensuring basic needs are met, there are many ways to help stimulate their motivation. Chapter 4 of A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children is a great resource of ideas on this. Additionally, most, if not all, children are motivated by something, but often you must be extremely patient to figure out what that something is. Be guided by their interests–not your own. If you can manage to keep their achievements and motivations separate from yours, that will go a long way towards identifying how to help them. Next, build on their successes. Catch them doing something right often. If you are helping them work on something long-term, this is especially important. Don’t praise or reward everything, especially half-hearted efforts, however, as that can create a false sense of confidence and will not increase self-esteem. Also, praising behavior instead of results will help them develop the character that is required in all tasks.
If, as parents, we can learn to really “see” our children and their needs, we will be able to understand what will motivate them. You may even find as you focus on them through positive praise and other motivators, that the answer is more simple than you think. Regardless, our children are worth it. Take the time to do some research. Figure out what motivates your child and enjoy the positive process rather than just experiencing so much of the negative side-effects underachievement can have on your family.
Good luck to you all!
Next month’s topic: CLUSTERING. What it is, and how it can help the gifted children of HUSD.